art imitating life... true that!

i've waited for this day. the day when i could use my early childhood psychology knowledge and put it to work to find out what my children thought of our family life. i'm proud to report... that i'm raising one amazingly awesome son.

he drew this (among many) drawing(s) today. daddy, mommy, lil mama, and himself wearing a baseball hat. and i'm happy to see that daddy and i are about the same height (looks like we're fair-sharing the responsibilities in this joint), and we're holding hands (love, love, love) and master d is giving mommy and daddy a hug (even more amazingly inspiring love).

it's one of those moments in mommyhood, where i'm feeling a little pat on the back for a job well done.

this little boy is living a pretty happy life... and that, my friends - is what it's ALL about... being happy, and hugs.

xo


(take note that my son has noticed i have a thing for red dresses...)

the tale of a preschooler

ready to go!

Master D liked the first day of preschool.

here's what they did in Mrs. Queenie's class, according to Master D.

"we ate chocolate pudding. we played with blue play dough. I made a bead bracelet."

that's what you do in preschool.

eat chocolate pudding.

play with blue play dough.

make beautiful bead bracelets.

check out that awesome bracelet!

this is the preschool i wanted him in. this is the preschool i hounded weekly to make sure they got the paperwork - got the registration fee - got the message - got the hint... and they did. and i love'em for that! it's a beautiful faith based preschool in the 'bury.

that morning - we ate a healthy breakfast, took our vitamins, dressed in the new back to school outfit, he was excited, we entered the building, and i went to hang the backpack, showing him where it would be...and before I could turn around, he was in the classroom, playing with the trains, playing with the numbers. on his way. without me. and well, if he wasn't going to cry... I let out a sob as I hung his book bag on his peg. took one last peek into the classroom and left.the bookbag. hung with care.

and with that, my baby boy started his journey into the wonderful world of education yesterday.
as i wrote in his journal, i time traveled backwards, 3...2....1 years ago.

a year ago on sept 6 we were coming home from our first family vacation to HHI. my favorite time ever. it's my new happy place. it's the place i hope to go next year with the family and friends. dig my toes deep in to the sand and recall that "this time last year, Master D was spending his first day in preschool..."

two years ago, we went to the Akron Zoo. i snapped Daddy's favorite picture of all times. We caught him feeding the dog about 20 dog biscuits... he patted the dog on the head and said "good doggie". we laughed at the simplicity of the task. and the happiness we felt because of him.

three years ago, he was rolling around the house, hosting his first playdates and chowing down on rice cereal and sweet potatoes and pear juice. he was making the big move from pumpkin bucket to the big boy car seat.

four years ago, the hubs and i were a month out, officially in the t-minus stage, of finalizing plans for our wedding.

but yesterday. we hugged and kissed and he went to school. alone. and i got in the car. and drove away. alone.

it makes me so proud. to see him in school. to know that he loves it. to be the mom of a preschooler. to be his mom.

mom...did you hear about microsoft 7 campaigning during cw's vampire diaries and letting social media do the rest, interesting...interesting....

and today. his second day of preschool. it was red day. and he wore his red polo shirt and brand new red croc-o-diles (crocs). he wanted to read the newspaper on our way to school. it wasn't the newspaper. it was my latest advertising age. once at school, he hid under the table and put together a puzzle. it broke my heart to leave. but i knew he'd be okay and be out from under the table probably before i was out of the parking lot. I asked him what he did today. and he said,

i ate green grapes. bugs are mean.(?) i drew an crescent and an astronaut and colored the apple, the stop sign and the barn red. Ladybugs and strawberries are red. i'm expecting mensa's call any day now...

i'm sure there will be good days... and bad days. there will be days he doesn't want to go to school. there will be days i don't want to put on my pretty-momma clothes and go to school. but there will be days when everything clicks, and we are packed and ready to go. ready for a fun day. and sooner than later... his first day of preschool will turn into his first day of college. and i'll weep because, 15 years ago... 10 years ago... 5 years ago... he was my little preschooler...and i was his proud mom.

my mom is great...my mom is cool...but it's time for me to go to school (~Sid the Science Kid)

The Truth about Cats and Dogs

way back when we were newlyweds. before babies. before suburban life. we had pets. I'm not a pet person. i had a guinea pig growning up. (gretzky - yes, wayne gretzky....we are a hockey family)...and she was the best pet ever ... we had her forever...she died after like 10 years of having her (i don't even think they are suppose to live that long)... I don't do pets. or at least I thought I didn't do pets - i don't like the hair, the smell, the tedious chores that surround having pets like litterboxes and de-pooping yards... but, this is a true story about our pets. i figured i write a lot about life and kids and what's up... but why not take a trip down memory lane... maybe throw in a couple cute pictures here and there... and tell you the truth about cats and dogs...


vladi.
the most gentle, wonderful american bulldog. E V E R.
so sweet, so kind, so fun. he was all muscle.
he looked fierce - but that was about it.
looks are nothing. he was a 5 pound lap dog in a 100 pound dog's body (and mind).
we figured that living in the "ghet-to" and having Vlad was a win-win for us.
the neighbors were terrified (like jumping in trees at the bus stop terrified {true story})
and i would joke with the hubs that it would take nothing for someone to just break into our house, give our dog a few snackies and have their way with our goods.
he was a wonderful dog. the hubs would rough house, tossing him around antagonizing him to no end. and yet, Vlad wouldn't nip, he wouldn't bite. He was.... THE. BEST. DOG. EVER.... and that's saying a lot... I'm not a dog person.

misu.
i brought her home on a lunch break while working at "the worst advertising agency ever". she was the runt. (i have a thing for the runts) she wanted nothing to do with me, and this should have been my first warning of "the things to come". we had to leave for the weekend. so i left her with lots of food, lots of water, and lots of toys and lots of views of the outside world (which is good b/c we lived next to an empty lot that was chock full of birds - good cat tv, i guess). i think that's when she started truly hating me. i rescue her from some run down farm in the middle of nowhere, and she decides to hate me on day 4. our relationship went downhill from there... and really, she's the cat that made me give up on ever wanting another cat again (i have a tragic cat story from my childhood - that left me telling my mom i'd be a crazy cat lady when i grew up... misu changed that story... jodi was the best cat ever... sent away b/c my sister was allergic and the cat attacked her any chance possible, came home from school (2nd grade) - cat is gone - mom says she went to live on a farm... whatever that means....i'm still a bit bitter)
She was... NOWHERE NEAR THE BEST PET EVER. She was a horrible cat. H O R R I F I C. but cute. that was her saving grace. The sad thing is - I don't even remember who we gave her to. We had to give her away.
When we brought home our first baby, Master D, she proceeded to spray EVERYTHING in our formal dining room. Then she proceeded to spray every toy we had laying out for Master D. She hated us and it was obvious.
Bygones, cat... bygones.

The sad thing is that Vladi went to live with my MIL while I was pregnant with Lil Mama. He was too much for me to handle, on my own, with a toddler, on a snowy winter day in "the A-K-Rowdy" (Akron,OH). It was temporary... and that has more truth behind it than possible.

For Misu, she was just bad. Bad, Bad Cat. The relationship didn't work out. Be gone. Relationship over.

For Vladi. I feel constantly guilty about the outcome of his life. Right before we moved from the ghet-to to the 'bury. we had to put him to sleep. I have my own theories on what went wrong... but I keep those to myself b/c they're theories on a Good Dog, Gone Bad. and theories mean nothing. He was a sweet dog, who lovingly welcomed our firstborn into his house, and let that wiggly little new person pull his tail, cry out loud, and reek havoc in his peaceful pre-baby world. Master D still has a picture in his room of "his puppy" - it's one of my favorite pictures ever. And he lets me know that that is "his puppy" ... which i don't even know how he remembers him...but okay, i believe him. Maybe I'll post it if I can located it - or scan it... it's a tear jerker, a heartbreaker.
Vladi bit a family member (an adult) and induced stitches....on the neck. Not.Good.
I don't agree with putting completely healthy animals to sleep - but when they bite... and bite like that...and are a breed like Vladi...you have to. I couldn't live with myself if we gave him away and he bit a child - big dog, little kid...not a pretty outcome. Obviously, good dogs who are healthy don't just go for the jugular one day and resume their happy dog mystique the next. something snapped. some synapse missed a connection...i.just.don't.know.

it was a tough decision. one i still have a hard time with. one that makes me bawl like a baby when watching marley and me.

but vladi was the dog that changed it for me and misu was the cat that changed it for me.

and that's the truth about (this) cat and (that) dog....

simple sunday

1. laying around until noon in our jammies. toys stream from the toy room in to the tv room, strewn about the first floor. we cheered on tiger. we found a new favorite in Ryo Ishikawa. and you just don't tire of hearing "aw, man..... he missed it" after every tee-off or "he got it in...now he gets a trophy!" (wouldn't it be nice if we all got a trophy!?)

2. we teach master d the art of dipping fries in a frosty. his first frosty. he proclaims " i love frosty's. i love fries. i love frosty fries." dear son... me too.... me.too!

3. dinner is served. i pretend to be a waitress. they order the same thing. macaroni and cheese, fruit salad and green beans (which they want, but won't eat). for drinks...a cow juice with chocolate and 2009 apple juice (great year, ma'am). the hubs laughs at my antics. i know there's no tip from *this* table!

4. not only am i a great "chef-er"(according to master d's review of my mad food prep skills)... i'm a great golfer too... because i show master d my golf swing in the kitchen. we may not have a pantry...but we have the room for a perfect swing, with the complete follow through! i still got it...4 years since the links... but i still got it...

5. lil mama spends the afternoon running chaotic in a diaper. crazy curls pinned back with multiple clippies purchased from this week's farmers market. she's happy. we read the tiny tadpole and at the end she is excited because he's a frog. she says things this weekend like "wake up"..."bless you"... and "mike wyzowski"


sunday funday has a whole new meaning...

My son, the letter U...

our conversation this afternoon in our home office, while lil'mama slept (by sleep, I mean gibber gabber for 45 minutes, drink 2 bottles, ask for pretties, rock out to a little baby einstein, then nap)...

M: Master D...what do you want to be when you grow up...

D: The letter U (demonstrates the letter U with the vacuum cleaner hose from the mock-black&decker vacuum)

M: Well, sir... that's interesting... What does the letter U do in his job?

D: Hangs out in alphabet soup....



Ohhh... he's a smart one... and he's going to make one FABULOUS letter U, someday...

smoked out...

beautiful saturday morning... town's square...jam packed with beautiful home-growns and handmades...

some other MOMS and i were volunteering/manning our booth to raise money for this little guy. (whoot whoot! $140. raised this weekend!!! see you all next weekend!) we talked about the beautiful produce... mid-sentence....conversation haults...

as the second hand smoke wafts through the air...

constantly...for the rest of the morning...

now, i really don't care if people smoke or not - it's their business...

but when they are smokin' , right over the produce I may purchase... um, no thanks...
defeats the purpose...

I'm hoping that this is something we can fix. it just takes away from the draw of what a farmer's market stands for... I'm fully aware that it's an outdoor arena, where smoking bans don't exist...but I'm sure there's something about it that isn't allowed... something sanitary or whatnot... even if it isn't a law, shouldn't it be in the vendor notes that it's not advised...or that a smoking area should/could be set up for when they need their nic-fix?

doesn't it seem a little...um...ironic? hypocritical?both?...

selling the best quality of produce (local,organic) but then huffin' and puffin' away...

I go to the Farmer's Market to be healthy, buy healthy...

not to get smoked...

pre-schooler spelling bees and bobbler's weather reports...

sometimes life offers you the simpliest tidbits of joy... a good hug from a loved one, a special coupon for your favorite goodie, a call from a friend you haven't talked to in for-ev-er... or a sweet spelling bee from your 3 year old son.

we're huge fans of super why...and well, pbs in general. and why not - i spent my childhood loving reading rainbow, and sesame street and mr. rogers... and i love it still, because my kids love it - and learn from it, and for the most part, I can handle Caillou's voice over Dora's any day!

this morning, while watching super why - Master D turned to me and said, S-O-U-P... soup.

And it made me smile... a big smile.

Because he loves words and letters and learning... and he spells words like SOUP. And says words like scrumptious (in the right context and all)...

Lil' Momma impressed this morning too... with the windows all open, letting in the fresh, rain-filled air, she turned, looked out the window and said - "it's raining."

a regular Al Roker she is!

Baby Genius... seriously.

and it's tidbits of everyday life like that that reel me in - hook, line, sinker to this motherhood gig. It's not about grand gifts or the milestone moments... it's about what happens on grey and rainy days on your average,everyday mid-week that makes you realize the simpliest pleasures are by far the greatest.

getting closer to fine...

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud

was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anaïs Nin

How do you define yourself?

Were you the athlete? The caretaker? The listener?

The most popular? The most artistic?

What about being that middle of the road person.

A little of this, a little of that...

but never enough for a title or a label?

Is it really important to have that title?

or that label?

Does that label define you?

I'm a mom - that's a label, but not really the end-all-be-all label I want to define me...

because although I'm trying to define myself I don't want to "just be MOM" - because being a good mom is important, but so is being a good person, a good friend, etc.

I'm a wife - that's a title. But I'm more than that. More than friend, daughter, sister...

When you are trying to discover yourself...where do you start. What do you do?

Do you just start by listing all the things you like? dislike?

Do you take inventory on the brands you like? The books you read? the music you listen to?

Or is it something more?

Is it having a heart-to-heart with a girlfriend? or a sister?

Is it them telling you what role you represent in the world?

This all comes from remembering who I was before kids - what my dreams and passions and choices were all about, to being a new wife, then a pregnant woman, then a nursing mom, then pregnant again and nursing again... and now, 4 years later... I vaugly remember that person.

I've emerged feeling like an empty shell of who I was. Which is both a good and bad thing.

Bad because, come'on? Empty.Shell? Eek!

Good because - yay! Empty! Shell!

Tabala Rasa right?

But how do you make that decision to know who and what and why and all that jazz about you?

The styles I liked seem silly.

The music is obnoxious.

The friendships from then just don't "fit" the same way.
I am having a difficult time defining what makes me, me.
The clients I had and were passionate about have left me jaded and bitter.

I feel like I have bigger, better ideas, but that I should just hold off on them

becuase the original ideas never panned out the right way.
The house we bought 18 months ago feels like just a house - not a home, the way our

100 year old house did.

things just don't feel like they fit. i feel like my daughter clomping around the

kitchen in my shoes.

clomp...clomp...clomp...

The characteristics I've fallen in to, don't feel right.
They feel loose, and clumsy and not like the me, I think I am.

What happened to that person?

Who is this person?

married.30. 2 kids.

i'm more than that, right?

being here in the 'bury...i feel like i'm trying to fit in and make friends... i feel like they're all based around "the kids" and "the family" and "the subdivision"... but what about the friendships that are about "the friend"? or are friendships about "the friend" a thing of my past? now that i'm that married, 30 somthing momma...does that mean i'll never again have that giggly girlfriend to connect with?

i remember thinking that getting older would make dealing with things like this easier... but, really being 10 was the easiest thing ever!

it just seems like the right time to relearn and redevelop
who I really am.
It's time to start defining myself.*

(*though guidance from friends is welcome! and if you've been here, done that - HELP!)

why I care about Jon + Kate + 8

"oh no, not you too" said my mom as I began the gosselin gossip plaguing people my age.
...yes... me too...

my sister-in-law asks me for the latest...

...my girlfriends and i talk about jon and kate on a first name basis - like they're part of our circle, their kids playmates to ours...

and i started to wonder why - why do i have a vested interest in this family of 10? who are they from the random stranger neighbors at the end of my street? i don't "know" them. Kate and I once exchanged a line of emails about potentially appearing at a home show I worked for...

the why - is because for the past 3+ years, since my son was a newborn...come monday night, i'd snuggled up to the tv, with a nursing baby, a bottle of water and a blanket to watch this amazing family of 10... here i was with one. feeling overwhelmed and like i had no idea what i was doing...hormones making me hate my husband and love my husband all in the same breath... and some how i could relate to kate. i could relate to her frustrations and the daily grind of being a mom, but i also could relate to the the joy and love she had for her family... and as my son grew and my daughter joined us, and we packed up a house and moved from the ghetto to the village... i still related to their family chock full of potty training and time outs and frustrations and celebrations. because even though kate tongue lashes jon at any chance she gets, and jon acts more like at 20-something frat boy than a dad, and that kate asks and recieves trips and tucks and gymboree shopping sprees...they are a family - with little ones, who have become friends.

i'm sad that the upcoming monday show is some grand announcement...no doubt what we've all been expecting - a separation, a divorce, the end of a show. but, it's reality tv, and in real life - situation like this happen all the time - divorce, illness, death, unemployment, LIFE. it just happens... the good and the bad.

I wish they'd show Jon and Kate going to counciling together, trying to make it work, trying to piece back together what reality tv no doubt tore apart. but i guess that's what happens when you put fame and fortune and freebies before family. the material things become more important than what it was that started the whole journey.

I can't say NO to a dino.

I admit - I have a hard time saying 'no'. To anything... but even more, I have a hard time saying 'no' to my son. But in this instance, I can hardly think of some devil's advocate way that it will come back to bite me. And if it does, so what - it was for a book... for the love of a book...

Master D has his momma's love for books. While meandering the wide aisle of Home Goods/TJMaxx/Marshalls, my son MUST flip through the books they offer. To me, some of the most clever books I've even seen...and obviously, the target market agrees...are purchased from those stores.

Yesterday's venture for kid's full sheets (ugh...another post, another day) led us to my three favorite stores (see above) to seek out the sheets... which also led me to oooohing and aaaahing over ever fun little find in every aisle. I'd rather win a Home Goods Shopping Spree than a new car or a shopping spree to a posh boutique any day!

Dear Son, had his typical book collection piling up from the inside of the cart basket which also included a croquet set (weapons of mass destruction), paint set and a pots and pans set he thinks "sissy would like". Lil Momma, sat perched in the cart surrounded by her shelf finds - A stuffed snake, a pink cat in a pink leopard fur coat and two towels with pink sailboats on them. And a "teteee tootoo" (pretty tutu) (on clearance none the less!)

As we attempt to put away the finds, nicely and neatly on the appropriate shelves, Master D spots IT. The book he can not live without. DINO IQ (by Smart Kids)... how can I say no?

A science geek after my own heart. I was in geology society...I filp through the book and flip a look back to my sweet boy.

He says - "please mommy it's the best book ever."

SERIOUSLY? best. book. ever. manners and all...

And for $5.99... ok. Sold.

The book has glow in the dark skeletal remains of a dinosaur, a board game and pieces WAY too small for kids (freaks me out ... FREAKS.ME.OUT) and a book of dinosaur facts and pictures and tidbits, that kept me occupied during nap time for a good hour... gosh, i love geology and earth science...

My attempt without the directions, of putting together a dinosaur...

after finding the directions, you'll notice that that head plate isn't in fact a head plate - it's a hip bone... whatever...

and, I couldn't say no. because I know that my son has a love of books, of reading and of learning... and one day - he'll be 12 or 13 or 17 and might be "too cool for school" and my heart will break. Because now, he can't get enough - I can't fill him enough with stories, about golf, about dinosaurs, about disney characters and about the world around him. And it feeds my heart to buy him a book or two and to hear that it's the best book ever... because I believe every read book is the best book ever. Sillily (word?) I feel like if I didn't buy him that book, that I'd be diminishing that twinkle of book love. of learning love. that resides in him.

He's not crazy about any characters on tv, we've so far avoided the superhero phase that our friends are all in, he's not all about firetrucks (until he's sitting in one!)...unless of course we've just read about it. And I'm happy about that. I'm pleased that my son loves flipping pages, be it a my first golf book, or one of my cookbooks or one of daddy's lawncare/housecare books. at 3 years old, he can tell us stories, he can explain the pictures and recite the words verbatum from books we've read. And although I know it's not "reading" per se... it's loving the written word and seeking happiness in stories and learning.

what more could a mom ask for?

Well, except for where I can take a class on how to say these freakishly long dinosaur names? because... jeesh... I'm a science geek... but, all those -sauruses and -olophuses....i get a loose tounge and can't spit out a sensible dino name. And really you can only call dinos- Long Necks, T Rex and Triceratops for so long!